A slighted madman, Isaac Daedalus has just concluded a Wonka-esque tour of his work shop. Along the way, state officials that he believes have wronged him were killed or tortured in ironic contraptions based on their previous actions. The doctor did not account for a reporter, who came with the District Attorney. Unhappy with there being a remainder on his finely calculated plans, he explains himself as he decides what to do with her.
And thus concludes our tour. I hope you’ve enjoyed this trip, but I have not taken the time to build a gift shop. With all of the death traps and doomsday devices, I didn’t expect anybody to get this far. So who are you, exactly? You haven’t wronged me like the rest of our group did. So who are you? Mayor’s Secretary? PR Rep? Intern? Regardless, you are the proverbial wrench in my plans.
I don’t need to kill you too. I don’t know what you’ve done wrong, and we are running short on time. No time to build a large, ironic consequence for you. I suppose you are nosy, having wandered where you aren’t wanted. What if I didn’t have a seat for you? You would have just stood there and looked ridiculous. Maybe, I should turn you into a security camera. Then you can watch over my operations, and you can see all of my precious treasures.
You look scared. Come on, laugh a little. This is funny business! No wait, don’t make any noise. You are gagged for a reason. So shut up. Shut up! Don’t take it harshly. Smiles. But honestly, my work is art and science and entertainment all wrapped up in a thick carapace, with a fuse. And right now, we are in the “lit fuse” stage. And the ideas are coming, and soon ,they will blow up all over the place and you will be cut with the shrapnel of my genius.
Do you know how many bones are in the human body? Guess. You can’t, no talking. I may cut out your tongue and place it on your forehead, you are so chatty. Scrape your ankles with a potato peeler. Build a machine that takes your teeth and makes them into a necklace. Sell the necklace… Bones! There are supposed to be 206 in the human body, but I have yet to meet somebody with the right amount.
205, every last one of them. And do you know why? No spine! Yes, the vertebrae are all there, but that does not a spine make. There are 206 bones in the human body, so I obviously haven’t killed any people. Only worms.
Not even worms, less. Because at least worms bleed red. I have killed people with, cowardly yellow blood and self-righteous blue blood. Even filthy browns and diseased greens. Sickening, vile, filth.
MY mind’s made up. So tell me. [removes gag] What color do you bleed?
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