Hugo Moreaux

           I have spent much of my life amassing wealth in search of luxury. True decadence is something worth striving for, and once one becomes accustomed to the best they simply must have more. I am one such individual who has found the correct way to live, free of any of the troubles of lesser men. I have a flutist follow me everywhere, and the penalty for playing out of key is dire. I have a harem of virgins and seamstresses. The former is required to only tend to their hair and bathe me, while the latter turn the aforementioned hair into my robes. I have even given my mother an important position in my home, I do adore her. She sprinkles rose water everywhere I am going to step, so that I may never have to soil my nose with a foul scent. Original and exquisite art lines my every wall, with a greater total value than that of the Louvre. Every sixty-two steps (a number determined by my doctors) I receive foot massages and every one hundred (determined by me) I am given new shoes. I have someone to pick up everything for me and someone else to put things down. Having eliminated any possibility of vile sensation, my existence is objectively better than that of you mere insects.

            I have not, for fear of losing your interest too early, described the most perfect part of my day. As a man of fabulous wealth, my dining hall is laden with gold and rubies, while my plates and goblets are silver. It overlooks my lawn of emerald, all kept just for me by massive ivory fences topped with barbed wire of platinum. It is in this area that I am entertained, for a king must have fools to please him. I have become bored of jesters and performers, and moved onto a sport that is much more…decadent. I use my wealth to effectively purchase endangered species. The lesser man will cringe at this thought, because he thinks I am going to hunt them. I am not so barbaric. I pit two species against each other and allow nature to take its course; all acts of barbarism placed onto the shoulders of beasts.

            Since starting these struggles for life, I have worked my way up the various levels of predation. Today’s match is the ferocious polar bear versus the dignified, and ruthless, tiger. My men put the beasts into a poor disposition through electrocution and cause them to fight each other. Ribbons of crimson velvet soar through the air as tooth and claw clash in an exciting, and enticing, battle. It is this very sort of activity that makes me so very hungry, and fortunate to be able to watch it from my dining hall. It is amusing what little motivation animals require to be willing to fight one another. It used to be that my men would starve them for a better show, but once I became aware I put a stop to it at once. I am not some kind of animal; their meat became much too sinewy.

            It is true that I dine upon the newly deceased animal. Not only am I able to see such a rare fight, I only eat the rarest flesh. Today’s meal is a “Polar Bear Stroganoff”, my chef carves the best meat off of the bear and browns it in butter, and seasons the meat to perfection with salt and pepper. This is served over fettuccini noodles with a delightful combination of tarragon, nutmeg and cremini mushrooms. The harmony of flavors is divine, and warrants a fine Bordeaux to drink. A fantastic and exquisite meal, if there ever was one. I cannot abide wasting such a fine beast in one meal, and though I never repeat the dish or animal, I use as much as I can by having this bear’s blood made into a light sorbet. This amount of sweetness is my last taste before I sleep soundly through the night.

            These luxuries of mine are often met with horror, but allow me to explain it in simplest terms. When you step upon some insect, a cockroach or centipede, do you feel remorse? The answer is a most decided “no.” You recognize yourself as a higher form of life, and so you do not waste any thought on the pest’s life. I have elevated myself to a point where even large and dangerous creatures are but mere insects to me. Humans are the highest form of life, and I have surpassed even them on the food chain. When one has money, he may do as he pleases in regards to anything. I would love for some bold pest to attempt to stop me at this point.