Monday, December 19, 2011

Colonel Rick "Overkill" Slugg

It's impossible to stay out of it. Once you dedicate your life to the military, make a name for yourself, you can never get out. United States army for a short time. Showed some promise and then selected for a different division of the government's strong-arm. The "Capture and Detainment of Powered Individuals" division. That's where I made a name for myself, and let me tell you: the names you make never leave.
            I’m the man I was raised to be, a tough guy. I don’t get hurt easy, and that’s just a part of who I am. I don’t worry about myself, I don’t care about the consequences of my actions. Since I was a boy, I’ve been made to do the job I was given. My dad would tell me what to do, chop the wood, go to the store, clean the house. I did a lot of work and he spent most of his time drinking, but that’s what happens when you’re a broken man. I forgive him, not having a wife around to look after me, not having much of a job to feed me. But he always did. So he could get mean at times, he could yell and hit, but he did love me.
            But anyway, government sets up this group of specially picked people like myself to go out and hunt the people that nature picked specially. I’ve been up against some nasty stuff, guys who can throw fire, laser eyes, one dude could turn into water. Nasty stuff. It’s just the world we live in, I guess, and not everybody is so great at tuning out those mean thoughts, even when they’re handed the tools to make a difference. So we hunted these men and women, down on their luck and doing wrong to make ends meet, and either took them in, or killed them like animals.
            A lot of them come up with ridiculous names for themselves, something to do with whatever ability they have in them. I remember every last one that I heard or read. Something about it appeals to me, I don’t know. The idea that somebody can be their own person, not named just because, or because of what they’re supposed to be. A name that you choose.
            The nickname that you earn, that’s the one that defines you. I always got the job done, always made sure that there was absolutely no chance for failure. Buildings could be destroyed, casualties could pile up, lives could be ruined, but the mission would not fail. There was an incident in Alaska, really small town called Quinhagak. I got my name there, that’s when they started calling my “Colonel Overkill.”
            And I couldn’t shake the name, couldn’t shake what I was raised to be. I’d run in, guns going off and resulting in death, and the name would just get stronger. In a way, the name made me this way. I had the reputation, and got the name, and so I grew to fit my clothes. I quit a few years later, failure in Lucerne, and I moved back into my old house.
            They never stopped knocking at the door, sending me letters and e-mails, or calling during dinner. I ignored just about every one of them, until the end. Promised me a new job, new location. Hell, I’d even lead the damn team. I could do things my way. Well, not quite. They wanted things to get done “Overkill’s” way. A national hero, somebody who had medals and fatigues and a reputation. And see, that’s how they pulled me back in, and I probably won’t get a chance to leave again. The job suits me fine now, but when it comes time to put on the fatigues and kill somebody trying to live up to their own name, we’ll just see how content I am.

Isaac Daedalus

                A slighted madman, Isaac Daedalus has just concluded a Wonka-esque tour of his work shop. Along the way, state officials that he believes have wronged him were killed or tortured in ironic contraptions based on their previous actions. The doctor did not account for a reporter, who came with the District Attorney. Unhappy with there being a remainder on his finely calculated plans, he explains himself as he decides what to do with her.

And thus concludes our tour. I hope you’ve enjoyed this trip, but I have not taken the time to build a gift shop. With all of the death traps and doomsday devices, I didn’t expect anybody to get this far. So who are you, exactly? You haven’t wronged me like the rest of our group did. So who are you? Mayor’s Secretary? PR Rep? Intern? Regardless, you are the proverbial wrench in my plans.
                I don’t need to kill you too. I don’t know what you’ve done wrong, and we are running short on time. No time to build a large, ironic consequence for you. I suppose you are nosy, having wandered where you aren’t wanted. What if I didn’t have a seat for you? You would have just stood there and looked ridiculous. Maybe, I should turn you into a security camera. Then you can watch over my operations, and you can see all of my precious treasures.
                You look scared. Come on, laugh a little. This is funny business! No wait, don’t make any noise. You are gagged for a reason. So shut up. Shut up! Don’t take it harshly. Smiles. But honestly, my work is art and science and entertainment all wrapped up in a thick carapace, with a fuse. And right now, we are in the “lit fuse” stage. And the ideas are coming, and soon ,they will blow up all over the place and you will be cut with the shrapnel of my genius.
                Do you know how many bones are in the human body? Guess. You can’t, no talking. I may cut out your tongue and place it on your forehead, you are so chatty. Scrape your ankles with a potato peeler. Build a machine that takes your teeth and makes them into a necklace.  Sell the necklace… Bones! There are supposed to be 206 in the human body, but I have yet to meet somebody with the right amount.
                205, every last one of them. And do you know why? No spine! Yes, the vertebrae are all there, but that does not a spine make. There are 206 bones in the human body, so I obviously haven’t killed any people. Only worms.
                Not even worms, less. Because at least worms bleed red. I have killed people with, cowardly yellow blood and self-righteous blue blood. Even filthy browns and diseased greens. Sickening, vile, filth.
                MY mind’s made up. So tell me. [removes gag] What color do you bleed?